


don't say you love me (or i might believe it).

by mochiki



Series: i believe in our fairytale [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Pinocchio Fusion, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, Na Jaemin is Whipped, Oh wait, Self-Indulgent, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, ah right, i feel like theres more tags im forgetting ., i know it says 'angst' but its happy, liar!jaemin, my heart hurts too much, ok now im done, renjun is just soft ;w;, thats it i think, to put them thru SAD sad, yk i cant do too much angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:49:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25879207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mochiki/pseuds/mochiki
Summary: Jaemin had always had a tendency to lie. Anyone who has spent a minute with him knows this. It’s never anything harmful. Just little white lies sprinkled in on every occasion; to brighten the mood and to tease his friends. It was his way to express his truths in an easier way.As one of the aforementioned ‘friend’, Renjun knows this. Renjun should know it well. But of course, his sensitive heart doesn’t seem to understand his logical brain.— alternatively, a pinocchio au without the growing nose.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee, Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Series: i believe in our fairytale [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1877950
Comments: 13
Kudos: 89





	don't say you love me (or i might believe it).

**Author's Note:**

> hello renmination !! welcome to the first fic thats over 10k words for me to write ahhhhhh !! this is so exciting but also horrifying SKDNFSDLKF. this baby had been in my tummy (read: wip folder) since ?? may ?? it’s a long time but i just don’t know if i did justice to the idea my brain served up. and i still don’t but !! i’ve tried my best so i hope you’ll enjoy <3  
> as always, english is not my main language so if you find errors, please tell !!

**ONE.**

Jaemin had always had a tendency to lie. Anyone who has spent a minute with him knows this. It’s never anything harmful. Just little white lies sprinkled in on every occasion; to brighten the mood and to tease his friends. It was his way to express his truths in an easier way.

As one of the aforementioned ‘friend’, Renjun knows this. Renjun _should_ know it well. But of course, his sensitive heart doesn’t seem to understand his logical brain.

When Renjun first met Jaemin, he felt so out of reach, so far away from where Renjun stood. Jaemin is a perfect being in every sense of the natural circumstances. He was pretty. Beautiful, even, Renjun would later argue. He was more than nice, he was funny, he was smart. He was the person everyone wanted to know more about. The person everyone wanted to bring home to introduce as their lover. Renjun figured they were never going to be close, so he started a light-hearted conversation.

Renjun starts with things people talk about when they first meet. Things like favourite colour and favourite foods. But it ends with them shooting fast-paced philosophical questions at each other. Something deeper. Topics like whether aliens existed or thoughts on the names of zodiacs. Conclusion: Renjun says yes to aliens and Jaemin says no, the only thought on zodiac names? Cancer shouldn’t be cancer. They skip the entire ‘hey how’s your day’ section of friendship and shoot up to the apex of the friendship pyramid.

So it’s only natural when the two start their bicker and for Jaemin to start teasing Renjun.

Their budding friendship was a strange one. They know a lot about each other, but at the same time, they knew nothing. Words like birthdays, family and majors never exchanged between the two. They don’t know any hard facts about each other, but they knew about stories during the usually boring days.

Renjun could tell you in vivid detail about what happened on Jaemin’s 10th birthday even if he wasn’t there. The accidental trip leading to the cake planting onto the floor. The missing present which ended up in his cousin’s pocket. The dissonance of the birthday song. But if you asked about what subjects Jaemin liked and disliked, he would come up blank.

Jaemin can talk about philosophies and ideals they had shared. Jaemin can talk about the adorable enthusiasm that flowed out of Renjun as he talked about the shapes of clouds. Jaemin can talk about the feathery, angelic voice of Renjun. But don’t ask him about Renjun’s favourite season; he wouldn’t know.

Even though they were strangers — only knowing each other’s names and a handful of stories. They enjoyed every little second they spent together.

Renjun and Jaemin enjoyed the simplicity of the cafe surrounding them. The whites and khakis melting against each other on the walls and furniture. Pots of succulents gracing the windowsills. A minimalist design that still manages to catch the attention of tired passers-by.

They enjoyed the conversation they were having. They enjoyed the cakes. They enjoyed the glimmer in each other’s eyes. And they most definitely enjoyed the smiles plastered on both their faces.

The cafe was loud, not surprising if you consider the time. Most people were on their work break, whilst Renjun and Jaemin were lucky enough to have no classes.

Renjun took comfort in the noisy nature of their location. Their banters and jokes being over-the-top and outright cringy if not for the context.

Out of nowhere, Jaemin would shoot a pick-up line at Renjun, causing the smaller to stutter or pause. And in retaliation, Renjun would sometimes use aegyo, catching Jaemin off guard and using the gap to steal pieces of the taller’s cake.

Seeing Renjun steal three bites of his cake, Jaemin covered his mouth as a laugh tumbled out. Jaemin’s pink hair falling into his eyes as he did so. Renjun has never seen cherry blossoms before. But he imagines the fluttering motion in the wind and the soft texture must be somewhat similar.

“If you want the cake, you can take it you know.”

“No I can’t, it’s yours. Your money, your cake.” Renjun replies with a straight face, the silver fork dancing between his slender fingers.

Jaemin shakes his shoulders and whines, “But you’re happily munching on it right this second.”

Renjun ignores Jaemin and continues cutting the cake, putting pieces of it in his mouth, letting the soft, spongy texture melt and coat his tongue. Renjun almost moans at the bliss, but Jaemin snatches the fork out of his hand before he could and Renjun’s eyes snap open.

“Hey! I was enjoy-”

Before Renjun could finish speaking, Jaemin shoved a piece of cake in his mouth. A bigger piece than all the small bites Renjun had stolen combined. Renjun's neck starts to heat up as he moves his hand to cover his mouth. Surprised at both Jaemin’s action and the absolute heaven his taste buds were feeling right now.

Jaemin giggles, fork still grasped between his fingers as he supports his chin on the back of his hand.

“Is it really that good?” Jaemin asks with a tilt of his head, waiting for Renjun’s answer.

Mouth still full with the lemon blueberry cake, Renjun nods.

Jaemin sneaks a smile before he cuts off another piece of the cake with the same fork, and delivers it straight into his mouth. With the same fork.

The light reflected from the silver material blinds Renjun for a second. When he regains his sight, something else causes him to pause and his mind goes everywhere. By everywhere, it goes straight to how that was an _indirect kiss_. Indirect kisses were such an elementary school thing to fret about. But Renjun couldn’t physically keep his thoughts from running wild.

Seeing Renjun pausing even his breath, Jaemin looks at him in wonder. It took exactly two seconds for it to click in Jaemin’s head. Renjun swears he saw a tiny little hint of a blush, but he can’t be sure, not when his mind was speeding down the highway.

Jaemin lets out a cough and Renjun instinctively passes him a cup of water. Seeing this, Jaemin chuckles and thanks the smaller boy before reaching out.

The indirect kiss lingered in Renjun’s mind. When the tips of their fingers brushed against each other, Renjun almost drops the cup. Thankfully, Jaemin’s reflexes were fast enough to prevent the glass from crashing. Jaemin’s superhuman speed, however, does not stop the splatter of water which lands itself on the wooden surface.

The two remain silent for a long period of time, frozen in spot. The freeze-frame resumed back to life when they glanced at each other. The moment they made eye contact, the two erupted into laughter.

It was a rather impressionable first meeting. And Jaemin would later come to tease Renjun about the glass cup. Annoyingly naming it the _glass cup incident._

The entire group will soon learn of the incident and join Jaemin in teasing Renjun. Renjun couldn’t care less about them teasing him about almost dropping the cup. It’s a simple mistake everyone makes once in their lives. But the glass cup incident leads back to the indirect kiss. Which meant Jaemin and friends’ constant teasing will never let Renjun forget. They will never let him forget how his heart had fluttered and how his cheeks had coloured pink.

Renjun tries to ignore it. He tries to get used to Jaemin’s character. Renjun tells himself over and over again, _it’s just how he is._

**TWO.**

After a year of being friends, Renjun is proud to say he’s getting used to Jaemin’s train of thought. It wasn’t as hard as he thought it would be, and maybe he’s a little bit disappointed. Disappointed at what? Renjun doesn’t know. Or, well, he _thinks_ he doesn’t know. Renjun persuades himself that he does indeed, not know.

Friday. Renjun had finished most of his work and he started searching for restaurants he could order from. It's uncharacteristic of him to order take out, but he was drained. His every muscle in his body aching and he didn’t feel like cooking.

As if on cue, a message popped up. A message from _Nana_.

Nana. A nickname Jaemin makes everyone call him by, though most would pretend they don’t hear him when it's brought up. ‘It’s cuter’ he had whined when Renjun judged Jaemin during the time they first exchanged numbers. In Renjun’s mind, of course he thought it was cute. It’s _Nana_ for god’s sake. But as much as he liked the endearing nickname, Renjun thinks Jaemin’s claim is false. _Jaemin_ is a cute name. He likes it. So Renjun made a point to refuse — albeit reluctantly — every time Jaemin brings up the use of his nickname.

Renjun claims to be strong-willed and stubborn but even then, there was a time he had _almost_ caved.

Renjun never receives gifts. Not that people don’t give them, Renjun just prefers not to accept them. Seeing as he barely knew the names of those who gave him presents. The entire cohort knows this, or well, he thought they knew.

On a sunny afternoon, Renjun walks to his locker. When he opens his locker, he expects to see the stack of reference books messily piled onto one another. Having never gotten the chance to tidy his area. But instead of his predicted sight, he was greeted by a glass jar and neatly piled books. The jar had a strand of fairy light tangled up inside and a handful of folded stars.

Renjun took the jar into his hands and inspected it, none of the stars had the same colour or pattern. The attention to these little details amazed Renjun. None of the colour and pattern choices made any sense artistically, but they still managed to come together in perfect harmony. The silver bringing out the gold and the blue highlighting the orange.

As much as Renjun adored the discord between the choices, he felt a bit down when he couldn’t spot a single yellow star.

The colour yellow meant a lot to him. And while he wasn’t expecting whoever gifted him the jar to know, he still couldn’t comprehend the odd choice.

_Wouldn’t yellow be the first colour to come to mind when talking about stars?_

Before he could dwell on the thought any longer, he peeked into his locker. Trying to find any names and clues on who the giver was. That’s when he sees it, a hint of a corner of yellow, squished between his philosophy and Korean textbooks.

Feeling genuine curiosity and excitement, Renjun reaches for the paper. He had briefly wondered if this would be a challenge letter but laughed at himself for his out of the world imagination.

When Renjun flips the note around, he giggled, eyes crinkling into soft crescents. Without even reading the content, he knew this would be his favourite he had received over the years. Renjun makes a mental note to blu-tack it onto the wall back in his room later.

On the pastel yellow piece of paper, tiny hand-drawn Moomins were acting as the border for the sentences in the middle of it.

_Hello our newest hero,_

_We Moomins desperately need your help!_

_All you have to do is give your little constellation in the jar a name!_

_It’ll be our new home so I hope it’ll be a name we all will love._

_P.S. there is a Moomin called ‘Nana’ who thinks you deserve to take a break._

_Moomins_

Renjun laughed again, and his heart warms at the gesture. He now knows who had sent the little gift, melting his heart even more.

Renjun spends the rest of the day searching for Jaemin — or, well, _Nana_. He was even willing to skip lunch, surprising his friends. Renjun goes to every room, every hall, every student, every staff; asking whether they knew of Jaemin’s location. From this, Renjun learnt that for such a cheery and loud person, Jaemin was incredibly elusive. Even after hours of searching, Renjun couldn’t seem to get a hold on the taller boy.

Renjun sighed into the evening, the wind carrying his breath up into the sky. The sky dimmed with every second and Renjun’s forgotten appetite returned with a growl. Before Renjun could ponder further about his meal, a voice called out from behind him.

“Renjun!” said boy turns around. Only to be met with the sight of a very bubbly but very exhausted Jaemin, “You wanna go eat something? I still haven’t had dinner.”

Truth was, Jaemin had also been searching for Renjun during the day. The two of them had continuously missed each other by a narrow margin. The gods playing their little game of tag with their fates.

Seeing Jaemin, Renjun had two actions he wanted to take. One, punch him for wasting most of his day. Or two, run over and envelop Jaemin in the biggest hug he could manage in the public.

Renjun figures his punches wouldn’t exactly do anything to Jaemin. So he chooses the second option.

Renjun’s feet crash onto the cement as he dashes towards the taller. Jaemin wasn’t standing too far away from Renjun so it’s reasonable when he jolted at Renjun’s sudden sprint. Debating in his head for the best course of action, Jaemin extends both his arms out. Ready to catch Renjun when he collides.

It was funny, Renjun thinks, and he suppresses a laugh. He felt like they were the main leads of an awfully cliched rom-com. The final scene when the love interest comes back to the side of the protagonist. The long-awaited _welcome back_.

Renjun had not seen Jaemin for a day, and Jaemin the same. But here they were, acting like they haven’t seen each other for years.

Finally, one last stride and Renjun crashes into Jaemin, who lets a breathy chuckle slip through his lips.

“What was that for?” Jaemin asks, curiosity peaked.

Renjun stays quiet for a second, nuzzling into Jaemin’s chest, “Missed you.”

Jaemin laughed, a beautifully boisterous laugh, and held Renjun closer. Squishing his cheeks between the force and his chest. Renjun doesn’t think much about the action. Only softening his stance, letting Jaemin carry his weight.

After a while, Renjun felt breathless, the air squashed out of him and he struggles to pull back. Jaemin tightens his hold and Renjun lets out a small squeak.

Hearing the uncharacteristic sound from Renjun, Jaemin loosens his grip and apologises. But he refuses to let go, “Just a little more.” The hushed whisper from such a close distance made Renjun shudder.

Jaemin was quiet, scarily so as he pressed a feather of a kiss onto the crown of Renjun’s head.

If Renjun’s face wasn’t flushed before, it sure is now. The extended period of physical touch from Jaemin combined with the lack of oxygen colouring his being with a darker shade of red.

Jaemin’s features were also coloured red. Hence why he buries his face into the soft strands of Renjun’s honey-coloured hair.

They stood still, arms around each other. Breaths stolen from them and offered into the space between the two. The tranquil silence fell around them, wrapping its arms around the two boys. A soft cuddle session in the middle of the streets. Renjun was enjoying the serenity when Jaemin breaks the silence, “What do you wanna eat?”

Renjun laughs a little, body and brain still a puddle of goo, “Didn’t you call out to me because you had something in mind?”

As much as Jaemin didn’t want to let go, breathing got harder and harder whilst he buried his face in Renjun’s hair. He belatedly realises how difficult it must be for Renjun and shifts back. Enough for the two to inhale clean oxygen but not too far that they lose the contact. “I wanted to ask you because I didn’t know what to get.”

“Well, we’re in the same boat then.” Renjun said, eyes twinkling, a smirk threatening to show on his face.

“Don’t you have anything you want to eat?”

“I could ask you the same you know,” Renjun quirks an eyebrow at Jaemin. “Fine fine, can we just get your favourite?”

Jaemin hums a little, gears turning in his — in Renjun’s words — infuriatingly pretty head. “Okay, let’s go get malatang then.”

Renjun caught himself before he answers with a firm yes. Something felt off and then it clicked.

“Didn’t you say your favourite food is ramen?”

A smile itching at the corners of Jaemin’s lips, he throws the question back, “Did I?”

“Yeah, when we first met?”

“I have no recollection of that.” Jaemin replies. Renjun narrows his eyes and Jaemin looks away, “Does it even matter? Let’s go get malatang.”

Renjun lets a low hum echo through the air and turns to walk. There is only one restaurant the group visits when they feel like malatang. So Renjun assumes that it's the one Jaemin wants to go to.

Leading the way, Renjun doesn’t turn around; he can hear the clear sound of Jaemin’s footsteps right behind him. The two don’t speak, letting the sound of rustling leaves and vehicles rush between them. Jaemin watches the figure in front of him and smiles.

When they arrive, Jaemin’s cheeks were red. Renjun glances at them and guesses it's from the cold; winter in Seoul could be quite harsh.

The interior was simple. There were no plants, no aesthetic posters, no nothing. The white paint that yellowed through the years layered itself on the walls. The floor made up of simple grey tiles. Every few seconds, the light near the counter would flicker and the shop owner would click his tongue in annoyance. Renjun takes a liking towards the simple yet efficient design. He can feel the pride the owner held for the beauty of Chinese street food.

The two find an empty table near the back and quickly sit down. Scanning the menu even though they knew what they wanted. Waving a waitress over, Renjun rattled out their order: one skewer malatang for him and one hot pot malatang for Jaemin. The waitress looks the two from head to toe, jotting down their orders on her notepad. Before leaving, she reminds them of the size of each dish. This restaurant prides itself for it's generous amount, after all.

Renjun and Jaemin laughs it off, thanking the waitress.

“So? What are you naming the jar?”

Renjun takes a second to process what Jaemin had said, a question which sprang out of nowhere. But when he finished looping over the pink-haired boy’s words, he felt unusually awkward. In a quiet voice, he tests the name on his tongue, “Nanaland.”

Renjun looks up to see Jaemin staring back at him, eyes wide and a soft glow of red on his cheeks. Renjun knows that it’s ridiculous to still say the redness came purely from the cold. They have been indoors for a little over ten minutes now. But a bigger part of Renjun forces himself to accept that the cool weather has caused it.

“Can you say that again?” There was a layer of hesitance to Jaemin’s voice, but Renjun can hear the thicker layer of playful teasing.

“How about no.”

Jaemin whines, “Why can’t you just call me Nana.”

Renjun opened his mouth to explain. But he got distracted when Jaemin pouted in the most adorably heart-wrenching way. Jaemin can see the small crack in Renjun’s composure and they both knew Jaemin was close to winning this game. Still, it doesn't mean Renjun would step down.

“Just don’t wanna.”

Jaemin wears the brightest smile Renjun has ever seen and Renjun sighs. He lost, they both know.

Even when Renjun knows that he lost. He still tries to save his last remaining pieces of dignity by proposing a deal. Upon hearing the word ‘deal’, Jaemin’s smile drops and it _almost_ makes Renjun want to take back his words.

When the unnamed tension floated between them, the waitress came back with their food. _Enjoy, pretty boys!_ She said before trotting to another table, presumably to take another order.

Their gazes followed the old lady, not sure what to make of the situation. Renjun remembers what he had wanted to say before he got interrupted. Smoothly continuing the conversation like it had never been cut off in the first place.

After negotiating for the rest of the meal, the deal settled at Renjun using it for Jaemin’s contact info and when they’re texting. But outside of that? It's Jaemin.

❀

Renjun gets off the bed as he smiles at the small snippets of memories he had with Jaemin. Stretching his arms in the process. At the time he hadn’t noticed. He feels stupid thinking about it now. It happened months ago, but he’s glad he recalled.

Malatang was _his_ favourite, not Jaemin’s.

Renjun looks towards his phone, waiting for more buzzes that never come. Jaemin has always been a bit of a spam texter. So Renjun was surprised when he doesn’t get another message nor a trail of them. Renjun got used to Jaemin’s texts being a series of short phrases. Twenty notifications making up one readable message. It warms Renjun's heart but it also annoys him. Having his phone blowing up with notifications on the side at least once every day wasn’t very entertaining.

Unlocking his phone, Renjun wonders if Jaemin can sense his thoughts.

**nana**

wanna go get dinner with me?

**me**

sure

lets get malatang

;))

**nana**

u and ur malatang

u love malatang more than me don’t u <//3

i’ll be at ur place in five

[ read 6:15pm ]

love you

[ ! message not sent ! ]

**THREE.**

It’s the third year and Renjun thinks he shouldn’t have thought of enduring Jaemin’s teasing lies as easy in the past two years.

The rest of Renjun’s friend group: Donghyuck and Mark, invited him over on a normal Wednesday night. Urging the ever responsible Renjun to loosen up in their smaller private circle. Renjun had a certain hatred towards clubs, bars, and all things neon. He preferred softer colours, pastel pink especially — so he felt thankful for the two of them. The pair was famous in the area for gracing the night clubs around the area once a month. Tonight was their scheduled night out; as weird as it seems, for it to fall on a Wednesday.

Renjun had once voiced out his concerns. But according to the two, it wasn't the _day_ that determines their presence, but rather the _date_. Renjun doesn’t quite understand, but who was he to judge what makes them happy. Besides, he didn’t exactly have anything else on his schedule, so he heads over, a distinct bounce in his steps.

When Renjun got ushered into the living room of their shared apartment. It dawned on him why they were so adamant to get him over.

Jaemin was here.

And while it’s perfectly normal for Jaemin to be around them, Renjun felt awkward. Knowing his friends had especially (or not so, considering the pair. They may have simply wanted to let out some steam of their own) prepared this for him. Little did they know that Renjun had been thinking about Jaemin more than the healthy levels of a _friend_.

Renjun realises he couldn’t turn around and leave through the front door. So he shuffles in. Every time Renjun goes over to Donghyuck and Mark’s shared apartment, they would start the night with Mario kart. Just because Jaemin is here now doesn’t mean they are changing their ‘tradition’. Renjun walks towards the TV and hooks the Wii up like always.

Renjun doesn’t mind being the one who does the monotonous tasks. He would rather do a swift job than wait for the two to finish leaving kisses all over each other. Renjun would also very much prefer not seeing their make-out sessions in the first place.

So when he makes a mistake and forgets to warn Jaemin about the upcoming scene before he left for the bathroom. He regrets it immediately.

Jaemin comes out of the bathroom — refreshed and ready for a round of Mario Kart. And the first thing he sees when he looks to the end of the hallway un-refreshes him and his brain buffers. It wasn’t an unusual sight for Renjun, having gotten used to their antics over the years. To Jaemin, though, was a completely different story. The pink-haired boy watches, stunned and unable to move even his fingertips.

Mark trailed kisses down Donghyuck’s neck and the younger sighs. Whimpering when Mark bites a hickey onto his collarbone. Donghyuck’s eyes flutter close as he whispers Mark’s name and Mark smiles.

Renjun rolls his eyes at the sight and walks over, Jaemin’s gaze immediately flickers to him. In Jaemin’s eyes, Renjun sees a million questions floating about. But the most prominent one he sees is ‘what the _fuck_ is happening’ and honestly? Renjun doesn’t know himself. So he gives a half-hearted shrug as an answer.

Grabbing an empty plastic water bottle from the side, Renjun makes his way towards the pair. Before any of them could sense Renjun’s approach — too engrossed in their own little world. Renjun whacks the bottle against the back of Mark’s head.

Jaemin, still frozen in the hallway, shouldn’t be thinking about this right now. But he couldn’t help the admiration that drifted out of his mouth. A small ‘wow’ escaping from the gap. Jaemin has never seen this side of Renjun before. And maybe that’s the reason why. Jaemin found this Renjun: eyebrows furrowed and mouth twisted into a scowl. Extremely hot and he swallows a breath.

Mark whimpers at the impact. His lips still brushing against Donghyuck’s collarbone, a peg lower than where they had been a second ago.

“Get off each other,” Renjun glowers, annoyance clear in his voice, “You’re scaring Jaemin.” he says, gesturing at the boy standing in the hallway. The pair looks at Jaemin, eyes still glazed and glossy, Jaemin’s pink hair reflecting on the surface. Renjun clicks his tongue and turns back to Jaemin.

“Sorry, give them a minute and they’ll be normal again.”

Jaemin was still very confused at the encounter but decides to not overthink it. At least he can move his fingers now. With his body thawing, he nods at Renjun, keeping all his questions inside of him. Renjun seems to know what Jaemin wanted to ask, brows quirking up and mouthing ‘later’ at the taller boy.

Renjun and Jaemin boots up the TV. Mark and Donghyuck stayed at the same spot. Calming themselves down from the public displays of affection. Silence swirling in the air between them.

“Shoot.”

Jaemin looks at Renjun, not catching the meaning behind the simple word.

“Your questions,” Renjun throws in a side smirk, “ask them now if you wanna know anything.”

These words reignited the flame of curiosity sitting at the pit of Jaemin’s stomach and he fires off. ‘Are they together? How long? How did they get together?’

Jaemin’s trail of questions disoriented Renjun for a short second before he answers them all. ‘Yes they are. Four years now. Not sure about specifics, but it happened when they went clubbing.’

The next thing they hear was Donghyuck whining in the background. Renjun turns around, alarmed. If anything had happened, Donghyuck’s love for dramatics might show itself. With Jaemin here? It won’t be a good sight.

Thankfully, it would seem like Donghyuck was merely mad at Mark for not giving him one last kiss. Renjun felt grateful that Mark at least had the conscience to listen to his words over Donghyuck’s. But that feeling of content shattered when Donghyuck opened his mouth.

“I _cannot_ believe you would listen to _his_ words over _mine_.”

“Come on, Hyuckie. You know we can’t continue with Jaemin standing right there.” Mark glances at Renjun, “I wouldn’t mind if it was only Renjun though.”

Renjun didn’t know how to feel, normally he would feel flattered. Like when a teacher names you as their favourite student. Considering the context though, he felt irritation.

Donghyuck sniffles, “Really?”

“Really.” Mark smiles. Renjun can see roses floating around the two, showering them with fragrant petals. He finds it hard to not forgive them on the spot.

Renjun realises then that he feels envy crawling through him. Mark and Donghyuck had been friends since even before they were born. their parents’ being close friends. The two of them have known their feelings for the other since primary school. But they didn’t do anything about it even after they met Renjun, during secondary school.

Renjun wishes he had that scenario. A perfect set-up of fate.

The only thing Renjun didn’t find himself jealous of was the risk. Objectively, every aspect of Mark and Donghyuck’s bond were above Renjun’s own with Jaemin. Renjun knows that friendships can’t be measured. But for the sake of his argument and his continuously growing affections, he rolls with it. Mark and Donghyuck’s bond is stronger but at the same time, it’s so much more _fragile_. It could snap with a single misstep. The possibility of ruining a friendship which started before they’ve even known each other was terrifying.

Contrary to popular belief, Donghyuck struggled the most with his feelings. He wasn’t one to be scared of truths and confrontations, but the one with Mark proved to be a challenge. Even for him.

Maybe Mark knew, or maybe he didn’t — Renjun doesn’t know — but Mark had waited and waited and waited. For the day when they would both be ready.

Renjun only told Jaemin it had happened when they had a clubbing session. Which isn’t wrong, but it wasn’t the full truth either. Renjun thinks he adopted some of Jaemin’s traits. Being with someone for so long does change somethings about himself.

But Renjun knows that it wasn’t a pretty sight. Mark and Donghyuck’s story glossed over for the simplicity of explanation.

Donghyuck had drunk a ridiculous amount. Tear-stained cheeks and wobbly strides. As he cried to Mark, yelling and screaming and pulling. His feelings had poured out.

This event marked the only time Renjun had willingly — and worriedly — went to the club. When he arrived, the sole welcome he received was a panicked Mark and a clingy Donghyuck.

A whistle from Donghyuck pulls Renjun back into the present, and he focused his attention on him. Mark’s answer seemed to have placated Donghyuck and the peppy Donghyuck was back. With a playful smirk, Donghyuck asked, “Truth or dare?”

Renjun did not spend half an hour untangling the cables behind their TV and hooking up the Wii for them to abandon Mario Kart. The honey-haired boy opened his mouth. But before anything pours out, his eyes flickered to Jaemin. Jaemin has an excited glint in his eyes and instead of saying what he wanted to say. He says, “That’s such a secondary school kinda game.”

Mark laughs. His laugh isn’t as pretty as Jaemin’s in Renjun’s ears but it’s still healing and he enjoys the sound all the same.

“What secondary school did you even go to-”

Renjun sneered, “The same one as you.”

Mark shakes his head, chuckling under his breath. Donghyuck places a peck on Mark’s cheek and turns to Renjun and Jaemin. Motioning at the coffee table and the four of them sit themselves down around the coffee table. Donghyuck and Mark on the L-shaped sofa. Renjun and Jaemin on the cushioned chairs on the opposite side.

They easily decided on an order: youngest first, oldest last. There was no particular reason why they chose to do it like this. It’s entertaining to watch Mark be embarrassed and they figured to leave the most time for it.

Donghyuck chose dare, to no one’s surprise. And he inhaled the monstrous combination of Froot Loops and Vegemite. Donghyuck’s love for little tricks showed itself and Mark had to suffer the consequences, being weak to Donghyuck. Mark had taken a _large_ bite out of his bowl. Minimising Donghyuck’s dare and he grins, with all the love in his eyes.

Everyone except Mark had a good laugh, tears collecting at the corners of their eyes. Mark grimaced and gestured to Jaemin, wanting his friends to stop making fun of him and continue the game.

“Truth or dare.” Donghyuck said, a bowl of Froot Loops still in his hands.

“Truth.”

Donghyuck clicked his tongue, “That’s no fun, Jaemin.”

“You gave me choice, so truth it is.” Jaemin cheekily smiled, eyeing the bowl in Donghyuck’s hand.

“Okay then.” A mischievous glint flashed in Donghyuck’s eyes. “Out of the people you know, who would you kiss.”

Renjun’s eyes widened and he groans to himself. Renjun wanted to rip Donghyuck’s throat and his own hair out simultaneously. He knows what Donghyuck is playing at. As grateful as Renjun is for Donghyuck’s bravery to bring it up, he still felt anxious. Donghyuck could feel Renjun’s anger flow out and he wonders if he made the wrong choice.

Call it stupid, but in Renjun’s heart, he hoped. Renjun had hoped for Jaemin to say his name, anything to quell his heart. It seemed like the world had paused. Even the leaves that were rustling before pausing to listen in on Jaemin’s next words. What comes out of Jaemin’s mouth, however, was not his name.

It was _Jeno_.

Renjun realises then how obvious he had been about his little crush. Considering how the friend group had given him a look of pity right as Jaemin spoke. Renjun doesn’t know if Jaemin truly doesn't know. Or if he's is using his lying abilities to save both of them the embarrassment. And honestly? Either is possible.

**FOUR.**

Fourth year and nothing gets better. Renjun finds his heart beating faster whenever Jaemin is in the vicinity. Or when Jaemin opens his mouth to spew another one of his white lies. And Renjun couldn’t do anything about it. Not when Jaemin was already in a relationship.

Renjun laid on the sofa, hands behind his head as his eyes close. The hands on the clock continue to move forward. Tick tock tick tock… The sound continues for a while until Renjun falls asleep.

Hours later, the door clicks open, a cautious Jaemin peeking through the door. Jaemin pockets the extra key Jeno had given him and scans the inside. Seeing Renjun sleeping on the sofa, Jaemin carefully walks towards him.

Jaemin stands at the edge of the sofa, a smile on his face as he brushes Renjun’s fringe out of his eyes. Seeing as Renjun was asleep, Jaemin stares at Renjun. His eyes tracing the serenity of Renjun’s sleeping expression. Jaemin realised his eyes often get pulled towards Renjun’s lips. Subconsciously or consciously. Jaemin’s eyes always land back on them no matter what.

Jaemin was about to sigh, but the door opening stopped him.

“Hey Jaem, didn’t know you were here.”

All Jaemin does is send the newly arrived Jeno a small glare, moving his index finger to his lips.

Jeno shifts his gaze to the sofa, nodding his head when he sees the smaller in his dreamland.

“Sorry, didn’t see Renjun there.” Jeno pauses, “Are you gonna let him sleep here?”

“Of course not, it’s winter right now.”

“Then should we wake him up so he can go back into his room?”

Jaemin stays silent for a short second before he shifts, careful not to wake the older up. Sliding his arms under Renjun’s shoulders and knees, Jaemin lifts the smaller up. Wriggling his arms to support Renjun.

When Renjun is secure and still sleeping soundly in Jaemin’s arms, Jaemin walks into Renjun’s room. As gently as he could, he places Renjun on the bed, delicate like a feather.

Noticing the blanket that’s under Renjun, Jaemin chews on his lip. Annoyed at himself for not being aware of it earlier. Jaemin looks at Renjun again. Seeing the older sleep so peacefully made his heart full and he can’t find it in himself to wake him. Jaemin goes to his room and brings over his favourite fluffy blanket. Laying the cover on Renjun, Jaemin made sure to cover everything up to the smaller’s shoulders.

When Jaemin walked towards the door to leave Renjun to his sleep, a glint on the side catches his eyes. On Renjun’s bare desk, a little jar stood in the corner. A glass jar with fairy lights and folded paper stars.

Jaemin slides over the floor, making as little noise as he can and he picks the jar up. Jaemin rotated the jar in his hand. Noting every little small bump that appears on the otherwise smooth surface of the glass.

Jaemin remembers exactly how the jar had looked when he left it in Renjun’s locker, and it wasn’t this. When he had left the jar in Renjun’s locker, not a single yellow star could be seen. Jaemin had made it like that on purpose.

But as he curiously examines the contents of the jar, there were tens of yellow stars dotting the scene. They were all different in shade. Some darker and some lighter. Jaemin thought he had put enough consideration into the colour design and aesthetics. But the little stars Renjun added made the colours pop even more and he could only stare in awe.

The stars Renjun had folded were small. A lot smaller and delicate than the ones Jaemin had made. They reminded him of Renjun himself — Small, bright, essential.

Jaemin had left the yellow stars out of the jar, the ones he had folded. Yellow, such a typical colour for stars. Jaemin felt Renjun was more unique and worth more than simple yellow stars.

It might seem cheesy, but Jaemin thought the absence of yellow in the jar would amplify the _Huang_ in Renjun.

Jaemin shifted his gaze up. Polaroids stuck onto the otherwise pristine surface of the wall. As he scanned the pictures, he found no trace of Renjun himself. Jeno’s silhouette in the sunset surrounded by high rises. Jaemin with flour spilt on himself during a baking session. Mark dozing off and drooling on his printed research papers. Donghyuck laying on the sand with his eyes closed and wind in his hair.

Renjun had all sorts of polaroids of his friends in his collection, but none of himself.

Jaemin found it weird. If he was to do photography, Renjun would be his first choice as his muse.

As grand and beautiful the display of memories were, something else caught Jaemin’s attention. Surrounded by all the polaroids, was a little note Jaemin recognised all too easily. Pastel yellow, Moomins around the border, messy handwriting in the centre. The note Jaemin had given to Renjun alongside the jar stared back at him in its position on the wall.

Jaemin can feel his heart grow. The amount of love reflects on the surface of his eyes and he is sure he’s looking at the wall the same way he looks at Renjun. Full of adoration, admiration, and love.

Upon closer look, Jaemin sees a familiar scratch of writing. Sharp corners and inconsistent splotches of ink. _You can do this!_ it reads, and Jaemin smiles at the words but giggles when he spots the smaller — and better drawn — Moomin on the side.

❀

Renjun groans as he flips himself around. Face highlighted by the rays shining through the windows. Blinking his eyes open, Renjun slides his feet down to the wooden floor.

When he walks out of his room, Jaemin greets him.

Renjun who was still in his half-asleep state has his honey hair in a mess. The corner of Jaemin’s lips quirked up when he catches a glimpse.

Sniffing at the air, Renjun’s stomach growls, “Smells nice.”

“Pancakes for breakfast today.” Jaemin flipped the pancake, revealing its golden brown shade and Renjun feels himself salivate. “Wait a little more.”

Renjun hums and the two falls into silence. Renjun stares at Jaemin’s back, eyes wandering and burning into the fabrics of his clothes.

Jaemin was wearing an apron and Renjun knows the design all too well. How could he forget the apron he had given Jaemin on Christmas some years ago. The bunny-centric design coupled with the consistent pattern of carrots dotting the material. But as Renjun studied Jaemin’s back, the only thing he could see of it was the pink ribbon hugging at Jaemin’s waist.

“Hey Jaemin,”

The previous silence shattered with Renjun’s voice and Jaemin almost drops the utensils he was fishing out.

“Yeah?”

Renjun backtracks when he hears Jaemin, he hadn’t planned on asking. Now that he set the atmosphere up for a question though, he’ll ask. _No harm done no matter the answer_ , Renjun repeats the phrase over and over again in his head like a mantra.

“How did I get back on my bed yesterday? I’m sure I slept on the sofa.”

Jaemin tilts his head and places the pancakes onto the plates.

“Ah well, Jeno came back so he carried you to your room.”

The wafting aroma of pancakes doesn’t seem as enticing anymore. Renjun plasters on a smile.

Renjun knew. But no matter what Renjun had told himself seconds ago. His heart still sank in disappointment. When he lowers his gaze for a split second, Jaemin notices. Renjun on the other hand, never sees the way Jaemin chewed on his bottom lip.

**FIVE.**

Renjun is tired of counting the number of years they’ve known each other. But he couldn’t stop the sigh that came out of him when he realises it’s been five years. When they heard his worried sigh, Renjun’s parents asked if he was okay. Renjun answered with a simple yes and they continued on their walk in the night markets.

It’s not a particularly flashy way to spend a birthday. But his parents were here and Renjun wouldn’t want it any other way. Renjun’s parents lived in China and Renjun was only studying as an international student in Korea. It made nights like these rare. Renjun wouldn’t complain though, for he had chosen to study in Korea.

It was a nice dinner, with cakes and macarons, seaweed soup and sushi. His appetite felt satisfied. But Renjun could still feel a piece of something he needed that would tie the final knot and seal this day. The empty seat next to him felt even more daunting than usual. Renjun brushed the feeling off. He has his parents by his side, he shouldn’t be too greedy.

What he didn’t know was that his house is currently covered in decorations. Coloured paper stuck onto the ceiling, stickers on the table, ribbons on the floor. Every corner of his apartment covered in colour.

But of course, Renjun wouldn’t know, Jaemin made sure of it.

Jaemin stands in the middle of it all, smiling at Mark and Donghyuck who were sitting on the floor. The couple held crayons in their hands and an A3-sized card laid flat on the floor. The preparations for Renjun’s birthday party is almost complete.

Jaemin says almost because the main star is still out with his family. It’s been months since the last time Renjun saw his parents, so Jaemin made sure to warn Mark and Donghyuck. Though Jaemin has found himself in the most trouble. Resisting the urge to fish out his phone and dial the familiar number.

“I see… So that’s how you want to do it huh?”

“Suits Renjun don’t you think?”

“It suits you more though… Sunflowers.”

Jaemin can see the flush on Donghyuck’s face and one which started to blossom on Mark’s even with their faces turned away. The bickering whispers between the two made Jaemin chuckle, but he didn’t say anything. Letting the two stay in their small bubble of suspended time and extended space.

Jaemin checks the clock once again, seven-thirty. It’s almost time for Renjun to come back. Avoiding all decorations, Jaemin tiptoed into the kitchen. Scanning the various boxes and plastic bags in the fridge until he finds the paper box he was looking for. Carefully, Jaemin slides the box out of the fridge and tiptoes back out the kitchen, placing the cake on the table.

Jaemin skips back into the kitchen. Fumbling around for the floral plates and the silver utensils he had brought over from his place. Once he found them, it was easy. Jaemin already had the perfect set-up in his head. Colour coordinated napkins and ribbons holding utensils together, so he gets to work.

Jaemin decided to leave the music to Donghyuck so he hopes with his entire being it won’t be Michael Jackson. Something soft and ambient would be nice. His hopes were crushed when _Thriller_ starts playing. Jaemin sighs, suppresses the urge to turn off the Bluetooth speaker. Jaemin had promised he would let Donghyuck play whatever he wanted. So Jaemin admitted to his mistake of not adding _strictly no Michael Jackson_ to their oral contract.

Eight o’clock, right on time. The front door swings open to reveal a tired but still giggly Renjun. Jaemin stands still. It seemed like Renjun was still drunk on the bliss of seeing his parents and had not settled back down into reality yet.

When Renjun finally catches Jaemin through his lashes, he jumps back. Eyes wide in surprise.

Jaemin laughs and walks over to him, “Welcome home.”

Renjun blinks back at him, blank, “Uh. I’m home?”

Jaemin hears a faint squeal from behind him and guesses it’s from Donghyuck. Jaemin doesn’t have the energy to deal with this right now, he’ll deal with it later. For now, Jaemin is focused on Renjun, and Renjun only. With the smallest smile tugging on his lips, “Happy birthday.”

Renjun’s brain blanks out for a bit, everything was too domestic and he doesn’t like it. Renjun doesn’t like how it messes with his emotions. He peaks over Jaemin’s shoulder, taking in all the colours that had exploded and invaded his home. “What’s all this?”

“To celebrate your birthday, of course.” Mark pipes up from the living room.

Jaemin turns to glance at Mark, annoyed at the broken atmosphere. Shifting back to Renjun, Jaemin says, “Yeah. Basically.”

Renjun hums and takes off his shoes. Slipping on his slippers, he hops further into the apartment. “I already had a piece of cake, but all the walking made me hungry. Is there any in the fridge?”

Donghyuck clicks his tongue teasingly, “You underestimate us, it’s already on the table.”

Renjun walks over to the table and lifts the cover. Revealing an adorable Moomin shaped ice-cream cake staring back at him. Renjun lets out a small gasp and circles around the cake. In Jaemin’s eyes, Renjun looked like a baby hamster seeing sunflower seeds for the first time.

“How did you even…”

“Do you really think there’s something I _can’t_ do? I’m rather offended.” Jaemin said, giggling at Renjun’s reaction.

Renjun looks like he was going to refute but ended up not trying. Jaemin’s right, when Jaemin wanted to do something, there was nothing that could stop him. Renjun’s heart skips a beat at the realisation. Jaemin had _wanted_ and _especially_ went out of his way to order an ice-cream cake in the shape of a Moomin. It might be a simple act, but to Renjun, it was more than what his heart can handle.

Renjun shuffles to the head of the table and sits down, indulging in his friend’s care for tonight. Mark cuts the cake and Donghyuck complains about wanting a bigger slice. Earning a small scowl from Jaemin. Donghyuck whimpers at the aggression in Jaemin’s expression and Mark slices a piece off his. Sharing some with Donghyuck.

Renjun laughs and pats Jaemin’s shoulder, “Why are you being so… angry.”

“It’s your birthday,” Jaemin pouted, “you should get the biggest slice.”

Renjun hums, understanding where Jaemin came from, “I’ve already had a lot and there’s more cake anyway, it’s okay.”

Jaemin gives a hesitant nod, still not convinced. It’s Renjun’s birthday though, so he reluctantly accepts.

When Mark finally holds Renjun’s plate out for him, Renjun happily took it off his hands. Everyone sat down and with intense gazes, urged Renjun to take a bite.

Renjun laughs. The rule of starting only when the birthday boy eats never died down in their group.

With one graceful swoop, Renjun slices the corner off and shoves it into his mouth.

The cake was sweet. Not the kind that makes you want to spit out everything you've eaten since the morning. But the ones where you can feel happiness flush into your blood.

The fruity flavours slip and linger in his throat. The freshness of oranges mixed with the slight tang of lemon.

The pure joy of the flavours must've showed on Renjun's face. Jaemin sends Renjun a smile and a phrase Renjun would remember for years to come.

“Aw, my baby may be older by a year now, but he’ll forever be my baby.”

**PLUS ONE.**

It’s Valentine’s today and Renjun was tired. Everyone in his friend group went out, including Jaemin. So Renjun lays on his bed and scrolls through his phone. Maybe it’s the date that’s getting to him, but his mind drifts to the domain of all the what-ifs. It’s making him softer and weaker to anything Jaemin related compared to usual.

Renjun looks through everything. The photos he has in his gallery, voice recordings Jaemin had taken of himself saying goodnight, Jaemin’s Instagram feed. Renjun was so focused on one particular post he didn’t hear the click of the door.

Jaemin, careful not to disturb Renjun, peaked through the gap before walking in. A bouquet of roses hiding behind his back. When Renjun notices his presence, Jaemin already stood by his side.

Renjun drops his phone to the side, hoping Jaemin hadn’t seen the content on his screen and he scrambles to sit up. While Renjun shifts around on the bed, Jaemin plops to sit beside him. Roses still in hand, still hiding behind him.

“Jaemin,” Renjun blinks up at the taller as his heart somersaults. “I thought you were out with Jeno.”

“I was.”

“Oh.” There was a slight dip to Renjun’s excitement. He knows he shouldn’t be hoping in the first place, and he feels bad. Renjun feels as if he had betrayed the people closest to him, but what can he do? He had been chasing after Jaemin for six years. “Why did you come back so early then? Weren’t you gonna stay at his?”

“I wanted to see you. And,” Jaemin hesitates, his eyes glittering in the dimness surrounding them. “I got you a gift.”

Renjun’s heart was everywhere. It was Valentine’s and Jaemin got a _gift_? For _him_? Renjun frowned, ready to chastise Jaemin for his actions. But a part of his brain tells him it’s an obligatory friendship gift, so he nods.

Chewing on his bottom lip, Jaemin brought the bouquet in front of him. Ready to woo Renjun with words dipped in honey.

When Renjun sees the dark, burgundy red roses, he is left speechless. He knows what they mean, and even if Jaemin doesn’t, the florist would’ve told him. There is no way he would mess up and give a bouquet of red roses to a _friend_.

Turning his head away from Jaemin, Renjun clicked his tongue, “Jaemin, please don’t do this. Please don’t get my hopes up.”

“Wait what do you mean-”

“What if we were dating?”

It was out of nowhere. The question escaped from Renjun’s lips before he processed them correctly. A bitter aftereffect of the previous segment of his thoughts. The endless list of what-ifs that had invaded and stayed at the back of his mind.

Renjun knows that with the way he had prefaced the question, there was no way. But he still hopes Jaemin would perceive those words as pure curiosity. A simple mindless question that popped up during Valentines.

Renjun realises that he hopes for a lot of things. He had always thought of himself as a practical person. But when it comes to Jaemin, hoping seemed like the only thing he could ever do.

Jaemin’s eyes were wide and for the first time since Renjun met Jaemin, Jaemin didn’t say anything back. After a long pause, Renjun felt like leaving. He couldn’t do this anymore, not on Valentines. Not when he felt so vulnerable. Renjun lifts himself off the bed, ready to walk away.

“I’d pamper you until you get tired of it.”

Renjun heard what Jaemin said. But it was so soft he wouldn’t pass the possibility of his brain conjuring it out of nothing.

“I’d pamper you until you get tired of it. Tease you until your cheeks are tinted red. Walk down the streets holding your hand. Let you sit on my lap while I rest my chin on your shoulder.” Jaemin took a shaky breath, “And most importantly, I’ll let everyone know your heart already holds me in it. Like how you’re in mine. And I’ll love you until love songs are no longer needed, because you have me. Until the day you never have to listen to a single break up song... Until infinity is no longer infinite.”

Renjun stood still, impossibly still, and Jaemin thinks he’d fucked up somehow.

Outwardly, Renjun seemed calm. Inwardly, Renjun didn’t know what to do. Should he be happy? Sad? Angry? He doesn’t know. If there was one thing he was sure he knew, it would be that Jaemin was playing with him, like every other time. The sweet and saggy words rang in Renjun’s head, it was everything he wanted to hear. It was everything he wanted, but it was also everything he didn’t want.

Renjun knows he shouldn’t be taking Valentine’s Day seriously. It was one of the many festive days others liked to celebrate. He had nothing against Valentine’s Day. But he thinks he might’ve developed a particular distaste towards February fourteenth from this second on.

“You know, it’d be nice if you didn’t lie for once.” It was bitter. Everything about what Renjun had said was bitter; the tone, the word choice, the slight tremor in his voice.

A dry chuckle left Renjun as he turned towards the door, ready to escort himself out. Renjun wanted to go _home_ , not the home he was in now, but back in China. Back where he could be safe, wrapped up in his parents’ arms. Renjun thought he would cry, but there were no tears.

In a panic, Jaemin grabbed onto Renjun’s wrist like he was his lifeline and with a jerk, Jaemin pulled Renjun down.

Renjun tried to stabilise himself in the split second, but it was futile as his lips land on Jaemin’s. It was a mistake. It had to be. An accident, probably, and Renjun tries to pull away. He tries to lift himself up even if deep down, he knew he didn’t want to.

As Renjun was struggling to pull away, Jaemin enjoyed himself. Indulging in the sweetest bliss he had ever tasted and one he had denied for himself. He briefly wonders why he had not answered ‘Renjun’ during that _one_ truth or dare two years ago. On second thought, he knows why.

Jaemin was a coward. He still is, he muses, but he has everything he wanted now and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

The more Renjun tried to free himself from the kiss, the more Jaemin pulled down. Keeping the smaller's lips on his. When they needed air, Jaemin would loosen his grip. Letting the both of them take in a small dose of oxygen before he goes back to Renjun. Desperate to chase after him.

Their hair was a mess. Bits and pieces sticking out in every direction. Jaemin flips the two around — a move he learnt from Donghyuck. And they almost fall onto the floor in the process.

Renjun’s delicate body was caged in by Jaemin’s long limbs. His forehead glistened with sweat, his fringe matted and stuck into a lump. Renjun’s eyes were cloudy. His breathing unstable and his natural cherry red lips glossy from the added layer of saliva.

It was a _sight_.

Jaemin shifted his weight to one hand and brushed the other along Renjun’s cheek down to his jaw. His eyes traced and engrained every vivid detail into his head. Every movement from Jaemin was excruciatingly slow and Renjun was thankful his brain was clouded over.

Renjun was breathless and so was Jaemin, but Jaemin needed to say something, anything. Or Renjun would fade away. To Jaemin, Renjun was a fairy. One that has achieved his greatest mission. A fairy who had granted a wish of a mortal.

“Renjun. I don’t know what else I need to do to make you believe me.” Jaemin moved his free hand up to Renjun’s forehead, brushing his fringe to the side, “But I do love you, I’ve been for a while now.”

Renjun was quiet and Jaemin waited. Renjun let what Jaemin had said settle in his brain. He tried to find falsehood, any sign of this being an elaborate prank.

But Renjun knows that Jaemin would never joke about the word _love_. It was one of the few words in his mental blacklist to never joke around with.

Renjun also knows that even if Jaemin’s words were false, his actions were always real.

With the truth and sincerity in Jaemin’s eyes staring back at him, Renjun found nowhere else to hide.

“Get off me.”

Not wanting to anger Renjun, Jaemin stood up and moved in front of Renjun with his head down as he shuffled his feet.

It was cute, not that Renjun would ever tell Jaemin. After all the confidence Jaemin had showcased in the last hour or so, it seemed he had finally drained himself out.

“What about Jeno?”

Jaemin blinked a couple of times and lifted his head to look at Renjun, “What do you mean-”

“What about Jeno. Weren’t you dating?”

“He didn’t tell you?” Jaemin’s brows were scrunched, “We broke up half a year into the relationship.”

“Why?” To Renjun, Jaemin and Jeno were a good pair. They knew each other well, they know each other’s likes, dislikes, quirks. They knew each other’s everything.

“We thought we were better off as friends, we know too much.” Jaemin said, quirking an eyebrow at Renjun, knowing he had basically read the smaller’s mind. “And Jeno knew before I did. The fact that I liked you.”

Renjun shivered and fixed his gaze on Jaemin, “And no one told me?”

“He called you.”

Renjun thinks for a moment. He was sure he would remember a conversation that revolved around Jaemin’s relationships, but he was coming up with nothing. Maybe Jeno did call and Renjun wasn’t paying attention.

“So you’re telling me you’ve been single for two years?!”

There was a slight hesitance but Jaemin nodded.

With a defeated sigh, Renjun shook his head.

“Okay whatever, we can’t do anything about it now.” Renjun chuckled, a weight lifted off his shoulders, “But since when did you like me?”

“Uh... Do I have to answer that?” Jaemin glanced at Renjun and his voice fades, being weak to the older boy, “Since the alien and zodiac talk... I think.”

Renjun giggled and Jaemin’s heart jumped. He could see that Renjun wasn’t meant to let it out and at the back of his mind, he thinks that he’s truly a goner for this boy.

Renjun trained his gaze back on Jaemin, and in a still giggly way, asks, “You think?”

“I didn’t have an exact _aha_ moment. It sorta just... happened.” Jaemin shrugged, “You?”

Unlike Jaemin, Renjun knew the exact moment his feelings had clicked. “When you lied about malatang being your favourite food.”

Jaemin laughed and Renjun’s smile softened. Jaemin being happy is not a rare sight, but it warms Renjun’s heart because it was what he said that brought out the delightful sound.

“Oh god don’t remind me. My stomach burned after it.”

“Figured. You were in the bathroom for an hour after that.”

Jaemin smiled, memories of their five years rushing back to him, “We do stupid things huh?”

Renjun looks mildly offended, “You mean _you_ do stupid things, I never went with anything you did.”

“Renjunnie!”

When Renjun heard what Jaemin had called him, he paused. He was surprised at how easy the nickname had slipped out of the taller. “What did you-?”

Jaemin was panicking, and Renjun could see it in his eyes, “Oh sorry, did you not like it? I always wanted to call you that, but never had the courage to.”

“So you can call me your _baby_ but can’t call me by a nickname?” Renjun asked.

“In my defence, words like baby and babe can be used for everyone. But _Renjunnie_ is just for you.”

Renjun’s blush had settled and faded a minute ago, but the declaration from Jaemin caught him off guard. His cheeks flaring up again.

“You blush surprisingly easily huh.”

It was a small off-hand comment, or rather, observation, Jaemin made. But Renjun still felt like an egg in the microwave, about to burst from the heat. Jaemin had no business reminding him. He knows.

Renjun knows how easily he blushed. It played the biggest part in exposing his long-time crush to everyone around him. Because of this, Renjun can’t exactly say he likes this trait.

“It’s cute.”

Never mind, maybe Renjun did like it.

❀

Jaemin had always had a tendency to lie. Anyone who has spent a minute with him knows this. It’s never anything harmful. Just little white lies sprinkled in on every occasion; to brighten the mood and to tease his friends. It was his way to express his truths in an easier way.

Renjun knows this. It came from experience. From the eight years of being with Jaemin; Six years as a friend, and two as something more.

Renjun knows that when Jaemin says he accidentally ordered more food than he could eat, it’s a lie. Renjun knows that when Jaemin says he doesn’t understand a certain philosophical theory, it’s a lie. Renjun knows that when Jaemin says he doesn’t have morning classes, it’s a lie.

And Renjun most definitely knows. That when Jaemin kisses him under the shine of the stars and whispers soft ‘ _I love you’_ s into the shell of his ear. It’s the undeniable truth.

**Author's Note:**

> well well,,, i hope you enjoyed the trip with me as much as i enjoyed it with you !! kudos, comments, etc etc are appreciated <3  
> i know it’s just 10k odd words but i’m so attached to this story i don’t think anyone can understand… i think i now know how mothers feel with their children,,,  
> i sorta-not-really-but-kind-of projected myself onto jaemin so i’m er,,, sorry for that ?? i’m not sure how people feel with these things,, but wouldn’t it be great to be jaemin…… oh to feed renjun lemon blueberry cake…….. the things i would do………. ANYWAY. went off track there a bit ehem .
> 
> some interesting facts (?)  
> \+ this was meant to be. Sad. but alas, i couldn’t bring myself to do it… renjun was supposed to confess to jaemin and jaemin being a ‘liar’ rejects renjun. leaving the both of them heartbroken. renjun knows about jaemin’s feelings from info leak but wanted solid confirmation from jaemin.  
> \+ the original plot was to have jaemin lie about his feelings until renjun got married to jeno and erm. on his wedding day, jaemin would go with the brightest smile renjun has seen and high-key makes renjun want to punch him in the face,, renjun did end up happy, but he always had a place in his heart that waited for jaemin
> 
> [twitter](http://twitter.com/renminzn)


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